Long distance relationships or LDR’s are seeming to become more and more common. I guess it’s down to the internet or the fact that we live in such a ‘global’ society. Example; you may go overseas to study and end up falling in love with the girl of your dreams or you could be swept off of your feet by a beautiful princess when you’re holidaying on the beach or maybe it was that sexy office girl that captured your heart when you were overseas doing ‘business.’
“Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will.”
Whatever it was you’ve now caught the love bug but you’re stuck are across the other side of the country or even the world and no jurong to bedok isn’t considered a long distance relationship.
Before I give you any advice you’re probably thinking to yourself “Why is this guy even talking about this, has he even been in a relationship before, has he even been in a LDR before?”
I can tick all of those boxes. I have even had a relationship with the distance from Jurong to Bedok! My current relationship however is over a little longer distance. For those of you who aren’t following me on twitter you may not be aware that I am in Perth, Australia and my girlfriend is back in Singapore.
We’ve been dating for over a year now. Long Distance for over a year. It is hard work. We luckily get to see each other every month or so because I am a super awesome boyfriend and fly to see her often. Okay, not so much that – but I have meetings in Singapore that I have to go to every now and then. The other times are because I just need to get out and airfares are cheap at the time.
So what sort of advice can I offer?
Here are a couple of questions that I get asked – I’m not going to put all of them because then it would become an incredibly wordy post. If you do have any questions you can drop them in the comments box below – I’ll be happy to answer them.
“I don’t miss you and you alone – I miss you and me together.”
“How have you managed to last this long in a LDR?”
To be honest with you I don’t think a year is that long. There is people who have done it for way longer than I. For me, I make sure that I make regular trips to Singapore. Nothing can replace that physical aspect of your relationship. NOTHING.
There are some things that you can do to emulate that though. Make sure you are always communicating. For example, make sure you set up regular “skype dates” so when you get home from school or work you can turn on the computer and spend some time ‘together’ even though you are apart.
Aside from this you should also be keeping in contact throughout the day – if it is possible – for example, Say you went out with your friends, Your girlfriend may not know who they are and might want to imagine that she’s there with you. So snap a photo of you and your friends together. At least then she can see who they are and who you are. If there is any girls she can even evaluate which one she can start to hate. It’s true, girls do that. Hint: Don’t try and hide any female friends – it’ll make you look shifty and suspicious.
You can use apps like “whatsapp” or “iMessage” to text each other for free. So don’t be one of those people who is too cheap to even text their girlfriend. There is another app which is really cool. It is called “Pair” and you can get it on the iPhone. It allows you to send things like sketches and live drawings to each other (only your partner). It’s cool because it allows you to do the simple things together. There is even a feature for “Thumb Kiss” it is pretty cool, I reckon it is a must!
Don’t forget that old age communication of “snail mail” – Hand write a letter and mail it to her with perhaps a printed photo of yourself inside… She’ll be amazed by the effort that you’ve put it. Well, that is if you have put effort in. Don’t just do it because I’m saying it is a good thing to do. If you are out shopping and see something she might like – buy it – then package it up and send it to her. Remember it is always nicer when it is a surprise – so you don’t have to tell her that you’ve sent it. Unless of course she is planning to move house.
Communication is number one. I can’t stress that enough. Talk about what you feel and what you’re thinking about. The dynamics of a LDR are somewhat if not completely different to normal relationships. Remember, you aren’t together – you are apart. Your partner can’t see what you are doing… so you should explain and describe it to them. When you miss her tell her that you miss her. When you are really wishing that you could just brush the hair out of your girlfriends eyes and kiss her forehead – then tell her that is what you want to do. Trust me, she’ll love it. I know that it might be difficult at first for some people to express those sorts of emotions but try it I’m sure your girlfriend will love it.
“How do I deal with things like jealousy?”
Honesty. Be honest with your partner. Let her know if you are going out with your guys and some girls will be there or if you yourself are going out with a girl. Some girlfriends may be mega controlling and send a live bomb to your or her house if you do go out with another girl… If you need to seek permission do so first. Although I really don’t think you should seek permission… why? because you need to have trust. It may take a while to build this trust because of the distance but if you don’t have trust your relationship will go down faster than a led zeppelin. Trust your partner and trust the people around her. If you don’t trust them then get to know them. Stalk their facebook or twitter accounts. Find out what they do and what sort of people they are – do they have a partner? It sounds mad crazy but it might put your mind at ease. However this isn’t completely fool proof. Just have trust. Take the chance.
“How do you keep things fresh and exciting?”
Okay, I love this question.
There are a three things you can do to keep it fresh and exciting – One of which is my favourite.
1. Plan a surprise trip to go and see her. There is nothing more awesome than rocking up at 4am in the morning and calling your girlfriend and saying “I’m outside your door, open up.”
2. Who says you can’t buy her dinner when you’re 3042508934242974928kms away… Ring up her local restaurant and place an order over the phone… pay via your credit card and get them to deliver it to her house. Just remember to make sure she doesn’t go out for dinner or cook a really awesome meal. Otherwise you’ll just make her feel really bad!
3. Plan everything for the day – but plan according to her interests. Then the next day plan it for your interests. That way you get to experience what you both enjoy. The internet is forever telling guys to make the plans or pampering our girlfriends – yes you should do that but not ALL the time you are in the relationship too, don’t forget that. So make sure your partner does the things you enjoy too. That’s all within reason. Don’t make her go deer hunting if she really loves bambi and hates guns.
I’ll give you three – you can use your imagination when it comes to keeping your relationship fresh. Remember, do things that interest both of you.
There is a lot more to it I guess.
These are the main things that you need to remember: Communicate, Trust, Excite.
And here is us:
Some shameless camwhoring… every blog is supposed to have that right?
If you have any questions be sure to drop them below – I’ll be happy to answer them.